In this busy life filled with distractions, we can often live fractured lives. Our world is full of noise, clutter, tasks, and all sorts of things competing for our attention. Is it any wonder then that many of us go through our day with feelings of stress and anxiety? Sometimes it can seem like we are a bit disconnected from our bodies, minds, and souls. If you experience this, you're not alone.

There are moments throughout the day when I feel "off" and need to recalibrate. Maybe it's triggered by something that didn't go according to my expectations. Or maybe I get overwhelmed because I am trying to tend to several things at once. Whatever the catalyst, I know that I need to pause, recenter, and check in with myself. 

I've been doing this short 5-minute check-in with myself, and it's become a little oasis for me. It is a simple centering practice that allows me to pay attention to my body and my needs, and acknowledge how I'm feeling. I can do it anywhere - at my desk, while I'm driving, as I'm laying in bed before I fall asleep. Every time I do this self check-in, I recalibrate and feel more grounded. I call the practice "Breathe and Center."

I figured others might be helped by this too, so I'm sharing it with you here. You are welcome to use this practice to do a 5-minute check-in with yourself. Please let me know if you use it, and share about your experiences. 

You can find the audio version on my Resources page.

Here is the written version:

Breathe and Center

Welcome. This is a space for you to pause and check in with yourself. We’ll take a few deep breaths, center ourselves, and then reflect on a few questions.

We begin with focusing on our breathing. 

Take a moment to notice your breath. Simply notice how it feels in your body as you breathe in and out. Gradually allow your breathing to go deeper. Take a deep, slow breath in through your nose. Exhale slowly through your mouth. Continue to focus on your breathing. Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale. Mindfully release the tension in your body. Continue to breathe slowly and deeply, while scanning your body for feelings of tension. Begin with your toes, and work your way up your body. Pay attention to each area of your body as you go. Relax any muscles that feel tense by clenching them and then releasing them. 

Next, we focus on our center. 

Locate your physical center - this is about two inches below your navel. Place a hand on your center. Once you’ve found it, breathe in and out deeply. Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale. Continue to concentrate on your center. Become familiar with where it is and what it feels like. Feel the sensation of being stabilized and grounded. As you focus on your center, allow your mind, body, and soul be present here in this place. When you feel anxiety or stress, turn your attention back to your center. Find your center, focus on your center, and breathe in and out deeply.

As we continue breathing and living from our center, we check in with ourselves.

​Let’s reflect on a few questions. As we go through each question, there will be a brief pause for you to reflect. 

How is my body feeling?

How is my heart feeling? 

How is my soul feeling? 

What are my needs?

How can I get my needs met?

Finally, we come back to our center. We breathe in and out deeply. We move through the day knowing that we can always return to our breath and our center.   ​

Every year in December, I take time to reflect on the past year. I look through journal entries and notes, scroll through past social media posts, and think about significant experiences that happened. This practice helps me to step back and take a deeper look, recognize what I learned, and embrace the coming new year. Here are some of my reflections as I look back on 2020. 

1. What was the best thing that happened this year?

Absolutely the best thing that happened this year was that we adopted our son Austin. He has been a gift to our family since we began fostering in 2019, and we finalized his adoption in summer of 2020. 

2. What was the most challenging thing that happened?

What WASN'T challenging this year? This year was marked by COVID-19, and the endless ways it disrupted every part of life. I suppose the most challenging thing for me personally was discerning how to adjust to so many changes, and how to help our kids through those adjustments at the same time. Navigating school closures, not gathering with anyone in person, finding new ways to connect with community, etc. was incredibly difficult.

3. What was an unexpected joy?

I found so much life and joy within a few relationships with family and friends. Since relationships were distilled in this season, I feel like I had to work harder to lean into my tribe of people, and in turn, I appreciated these connections so much more. Our family of 6 grew in intimacy, with date nights with my husband, family games and hikes, and parent-kid one-on-one excursions. We gathered with extended family for regular Zoom hang outs. Friendships were nurtured through texts and phone calls. This year forced a lot of stripping away and pruning, which ultimately resulted in deeper, more powerful relationships. 
​
4. What was an unexpected obstacle?

Grief. In the spring of 2020, I began to feel grief in different ways and for different reasons. I believe it was catalyzed by the effects of the pandemic, but I also felt layers of grief related to the deaths of Ahmaud Arbery, Breonna Taylor, and George Floyd. Grief because of loss and isolation. Grief because of human evil. Grief because of fractures in our world. I did not expect grief, but it came. 

5. Pick three words to describe 2020.

Loss. Survival. Liberation.

6. What were the best books you read this year?

The Very Good Gospel: How Everything Wrong Can Be Made Right by Lisa Sharon Harper

Black Theology and Black Power by James Cone

Theology of the Womb by Christy Angelle Bauman

7. What did you do in 2020 that you've never done before?

I got my real estate license, and joined an incredible team of real estate professionals. I love the people I work with, and the many opportunities I have to steward resources to bless our community in Hawaii. Another first was Steve launching his own mortgage company, Ohana Mortgage Solutions.

8. Did you keep your New Year's Resolutions, and will you make more for 2021? 

I cannot recall if I made any 2020 resolutions, so that says something. As I look ahead to this year, I'm committing to these things:

• Walk into liberation. I am disentangling from patriarchy and white supremacy and colonization. Easy and simple, right? I feel so grateful to have resources to do that - books, friends and mentors travelling the same path, my spiritual director and formation coach, etc. I already feel so much freer than I did one year ago, but know that there's way further to go.
• Cultivate intimacy with my husband and kids. This means weekly date nights with Steve. And one-on-one times with each kid. Four kids is a lot, y'all. So it takes intentionality to spend time with each of them. But every time I do, it really does grow our vital connections, and develop trust and communication.

9. For what are you most grateful?

I'm grateful that we have a good God. I'm grateful that God pours out joy and beauty in the midst of pain and sorrow. 

10. How did you change this year?

I feel more comfortable and alive in my unique, female, Asian, almost 40 year old self.

11. What moments were most memorable?

• Engaging in a prayerful, powerful Black Lives Matter protest.
• Austin's adoption court hearing via Zoom.
• When I poured out all my angsty questions and thoughts, and my spiritual director responded, "Oh yes, that's midlife." And then she went on to calmly explain and interpret everything.
• Celebrating the election of Kamala Harris as the United States' first female, Black, and Asian American Vice President.
• A sacred, transformative experience with Mother God. 

12. What were your greatest discoveries?

• Instacart grocery delivery
• Schitt's Creek
• Reclaiming My Theology podcast
• Liquid eyeliner
• Bookshop - shop books online, and support local bookstores (divest from Amazon!)

13. What are you looking forward to this coming year?

Healthier leadership in the United States. Hopefully an eradication to COVID-19. Turning 40 in January!

14. What was the most significant thing you learned this year?

I learned how desperate I am to be part of creating shalom and wholeness in the world.

What are your reflections on the past year? What are your hopes for this coming year? Feel free to use the above questions as a way to do your own reflection. 

P.S. My blog posts are rare. Older posts are archived on The Larissa Monologues. If you are on Instagram, I'd love to connect there! @larissalmarks

If you enjoyed this post, check out these related posts:
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My Spiritual Practices: An Interview With Alan Fadling
My Spiritual Practices: An Interview With Eddy Ekmekji
My Spiritual Practices: An Interview With Cat Moore